joy makes us thankful

This week I decided to open myself up to the simple joys of living, thankfulness, and God. Here is a little post about some of those joys...

A misty morning, laughing fits with a friend, short conversations, a soft gentle snowfall, watching a movie with dad, making banana bread, silence... noise, crowds, solitude, seeing a squirrel play in a leaf pile, reading for fun, listening.

It became an easy thing to do, relating God to these little joys. I think He delights in them. He wants us to see these little things, to keep a watchful eye for all the joy around our lives. To soak it in. There are so many opportunities to say, "Gee God, I am so thankful for..." Sometimes we become coarse or distant from joy. I think it's because we blow it out of proportion and make joy some outrageous intangible emotion in everyday life. But it's a wonderfully uncomplicated  feeling. A perfectly simple expression.
And when we find joy in the little things and appreciate them all, we can fully give our gracious thanks to God.

Intrigued.

A few nights ago I was talking with a friend about a great nursing placement she did in Nepal recently. I asked her a bunch of questions and found out some pretty cool facts that I want to share with you all in this post...
In Nepal people eat 2 meals a day which mainly consist of rice and lentils. The main religion there is Hinduism and a few areas practice Buddhism. In the Hindu religion there are many festivals for their gods and that is when they sacrifice and eat their meats. Apparently a  lot of the population is quite short so my friend who is as tall as me, got asked on a few occasions why she was so tall! I thought that was funny.

One thing that I found most intriguing was a photo I saw from her travels. Here below is that photo.

I thought it was some kind of festive decoration, but it was much more then stringed fabric. On each piece is a prayer that someone had written and attached to the string line. The people there believe that when the wind blew, their prayers would be sent out to whichever god. The wind is their carrier. I thought that was absolutely beautiful.

I love learning about other religious practices because I can often more then not, take some of the basic ways they connect to a god and reflect it back on how I interact and practice my faith with my god. (I used the lowercase form "god", because mine is just that to anyone who is not a Christian, and in this post I want to be in equal respect to all religious views.)

Can you image the joy & serenity a person in Nepal would feel when the wind blew, just after hanging up their fabric prayer?! They may be working in the rice fields or stepping off a bus, hanging some laundry out on a line and a gust of wind ----- interrupts whatever had been happening before in their day and all they can think of in that moment is their fabric prayer being sent off. Most incredible.
I find I get a lot of my big ideas of ways to draw closer to my god by learning about other religions or from other people. It is so amazing some of the ways people go before their god or celebrate their god or bring things before their god. Some to this day I don't agree with, but a few are so captivating, I think to myself, "Why don't I do that with my god?" And why not?! I'm intrigued & I think my god is too.
I am glad my friend went to Nepal.

Who wears the pants?

All my life I have gone to school lectures and heard, "Be a leader of the school." "Lead your own life, don't let others lead it for you!" It gives the role of "following" such a stigma. Especially being a young woman of God, I find myself confused when I'm asked to control my path in life. The Son of God spent His life asking people to follow Him. To give up that control. Story to story, He calls upon people to follow, to leave their lives, leave their plans and go.

There's a short story in the book of Matthew; of Jesus walking up to a guy named Matthew (go figure) who was a tax collector, and called to him, "Follow me". So what does Matthew do, he leaves his booth, leaves it all and follows Jesus. Bam, another disciple of Jesus. I wish it was that simple now! But today we question too much and trust too little. Maybe not all the time, maybe only part-time, but it happens. Whether we say it out loud or think it in our deepest thoughts. Doubt happens. 

A word Jesus uttered to the people he encountered was akolouthei which means "come and follow". This word beckoned men and women to leave it all to follow. Another word for a disciple is a mathetais, meaning "learner". I don't always want to teach and lead like society wants, I want to learn and follow. This little while that has passed, I have felt Holy Spirit asking me to enter into a new relational context. 

I have entered into my final year of high school and for all my life I wanted to be this one thing, then God shook everything up and called me to something different. For me this involved a lot of adjustments and many extra-strength Tylenols. I was so tempted to take back the control on my life and lead it for myself, to go through with my old plans. It was easier and a safer plan, but then I thought about it a little more... I am not my own! I am a temple built by my Father and I am His, so surely my plans are not my own, but are His also. *Light bulb * when I follow Christ, He honors that submission. I want to be more like Matthew and I dream of a time when everyone will be like him. Be as willing, submissive to Holy Spirit, humble in following, because I think all Christian spirituality is, is letting God wear the pants in the relationship. 

Don't listen to what the world asks of you, but listen and ask for God to tell you what He wants with you! He will use you for His great works. Listen for Him calling, akolouthei, akolouthei. 
Who is wearing the pants in your relationship?

a new season afoot !

The passage that has been on my heart this summer is in the book of Ecclesiastes and in the month I was away from home, God brought it to life.

My summer was spent up north on the shores of Lake Clearwater. There I was a chalet leader for the first time. I was filled with incredible experiences, some more bizarre then others, like, getting concussed, eating about 5 apples a day (and still getting sick), playing some hardcore manhunt, teaching archery, painting myself head-to-toe red, walking up to a camper in the dark (who I thought was a staff member) and telling her my feet really stink, and other fun things. 

I also saw Jesus pushing me right out of my comfort zone and into His light. Into a better way of living and being with Him. Not lingering on each experience or pondering the next, but being willing to enter a new at the close of an old. 
Some other things that happened... being asked by one of my campers if I could pray for her as I helped her down to the nurse's station, asking a dozen people a day if they could pray for me (whether they knew me or not), seeing The Messiah in worship and rejoicing fully without wondering who may look at me, sprinting down to the dining hall to save a table for my chalet no matter how ridiculous I looked with my arms flailing, being honest with people, being so honest in situations and how I felt, putting myself last, surrendering to Abba, reaffirming each day my true identity, seeking guidance, letting Abba be seen more then myself, struggling but still finding hope, being in pain but still choosing to trust, being vulnerable for Christ to work in me while being very broken, and allowing love to consume me.

SO many amazing and life altering things and they all had their own time.
I have a deeper instinct for Spirit and where He calls me next. He called me to this camp, He also called me to a church in Huntsville when I was on my day off, He called me to go home for a day, He called me back to the camp again, and now He calls me back into school.
I've learnt that all things have their season and if we try to extend it, they just fade and wither and lose they`re beauty. Staying at camp and playing manhunt every night would be so much fun at first, but after a while it would become boring. Being in worship with that community wouldn't ever lose it`s power, but I would never have the same longing for it because I wouldn't of had a chance to miss it. 

"There`s a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."

Savor your food

"What day is it?"
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.

I am a big planner, I like knowing where I'm going next. Camp is a big one, so it creates a lot of anticipation. The minute summer commenced, I was up in my room thinking about all the unimportant stuff, clothes to take, photos to print, shoes that match and toiletries to last. I have learnt that anticipation can take away...
It speeds up time, it prevents other memories from existing.
All the time in wait for this one event can take away any reason to be glad for the present.

It has been a huge challenge for me to resist the long stage of packing and the endless moments lost, thinking about camp. I recall when I was small and sometimes now at dinner, my mom and I would be eating and I would finish much faster then her. She'd look at me and say that it was healthier to eat slowly, chew, swallow, process the tastes, textures and not be out of breath by the end of the meal. haha.
I can relate that to now, I had to slow my rollers, sit down and think about other stuff besides camp (which was like pulling teeth at first). There is great value in excitement, but only when it doesn't neglect the present. Today is sunny with some wind and clouds floating around, the trees are dusty green from the city blowing into them, my dog is laying on my lap, and my teeth hurt a bit from an orange I just ate. What is so great with today is that I will never have today again! It's all it is, right now, and each moment following until my head hits my pillow. So why think about camp now, or then or a month ago?! That time will come and no other time will be like then.
Today is my favorite day.

I will praise you in this storm

I said good-bye to my sunny days of Spring under the willow tree.
Our first lightning storm of the season erupted and it was incredible. I gathered my bedding and my pock-a-dot pillow and knelt snuggled against my large opened window. I stared at the dark pink sky with intensified eyes. It was going on eleven when the rain came. In sheets and blankets of water. I heard the thunder race across the now orange sky. I heard the rain pelt against my little rooftop. My curiosity kept tempting me to climb on my roof, but logic kicked in and I stayed put. As my arms dangled out my window I saw giant bolts strike the sky and ignite the world. It was going on midnight, but I couldn't pull myself away from the window. I was a little child again. I couldn't stop staring because I was convinced that any second something remarkable would happen. I couldn't miss it. I couldn't! If I looked away, it would happen and I would miss it! I remember when I thought thunder was angels bowling and lightning was simply magic, not just thunder as electricity that vibrates through the air, or lightning being an expansion of rapidly heated air. No, I had a childlike wonder.

When I was little I thought the saying, "fear God," meant fear Him, tremble like He will hurt me! I remember looking at the sky and being scared, wondering if one strike would hit me...if the angels would miss and a bowling ball would fall right on top of me. I do fear God, but not with terror, with praise. Fearing God means having such a reverence (deep respect) for Him that it has a great impact on the way we live our lives.

During the night, when thunder was so loud my house shook, and the light so bright that it could of been day, I praised my feared God, I praised Him in this storm.

Then I woke up on the floor of course.

Gone Fishing.

Today I went out and got my first tattoo. I had been planning on getting this for 3 years and finally did it! Here on my foot is a fish, that has many different meanings to me.
The history of the Christian faith is a history with such beauty and trust in Jehovah. In the time of the first Christians, there was a lot of war and murder and brokenness, but the strength of God provided these people with the ability to trust Him. To trust that their love for God would save them. Even though many were being persecuted by the Romans, they persisted to meet secretly for communion and worship. In order to do this they created a special sign, the Jesus fish. Two people or two groups of people would meet and one would draw the first arc in the dirt and if the other was too a Christian he would draw the other arc forming this fish.
Now, I didn't get a tattoo just because I like history that much! But I got it because it reminds me of the courage they had, to do whatever they had to, to come together and worship their One God. I am so blessed to live in a time and a country that allows such diversity and allows me to worship and pray and express my passion for Christ under my own terms, and it gets me thinking everyday whether I would be able and willing to still do that, if it was my own life being threatened.

I call myself a follower of Jesus. I look everyday to follow Him and what God is calling me to be and do. That is something so important and also so hard to do. I think about the fishermen that Jesus encountered. He told them,

"Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."

And they did, not knowing what would happen next. His disciples were ready to give up and sacrifice every bit they possessed in order to follow Jesus. I live in a world of possessions and greed. A time that I hope I can say in past tense some day. All I want is to follow. To be the last of the pack, where everyone in front blocks my view and I have to wave my arms and jump up and down to be seen. Then... at the end of the day, to be approached and told that my desperation to get a glimpse of Him is all He wants and longs to see in all His children. I want to remember each day, that nothing of this world amounts to eternity with God, not a thousand years or the greatest hour.
I chose to put this fish on my foot because it reminds me of
"The footprints in the sand." 

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord,

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, 

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low period of my life,

when I was suffering from 

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

By  Mary Stevenson

I remember that in times of hurt and destruction, God is so powerful and will hold me close and place my feet on solid rock once more. 

All this wrapped up in a tattoo the size of a roll of quarters. Wowza! But even an ink engraved thing is nothing compared to God and all His majesty and even having a permanent reminder on a body part, doesn't distract me from looking first to God and not through something else. 

All this was quite an experience!! 

Springing with Joy

In less then one hour it will be the season of new creation! Of fresh buds, misty mornings, longer days and RAIN!!!!! I love the rain!!! There is something so pure and so refining as rain. I wrote a while back in a post about this and I said that while the rain was pelting down on everyone else, I felt like it was shining on me. My own liquid sunshine. 

Spring is the time of year when I was born, and I believe that is why I feel so connected to God through a great downfall of fresh water. 

I want to share a few near perfect memories I have in the rain... When I was a young girl, me and my dad would go up north to our cottage for the weekend in the Spring time. For every storm that came through we would head down to the docks and link arms and swirl into the water. We would do this as the thunder pounded across the sky and the lightening was still unseen, then that first bolt would send us out of the waters, but I would keep dancing around on the docks. 

Another wondrous memory I have of the rain is up at camp this past summer. There hadn't been any rain all summer and the camp was really suffering from it. Or at least I was! Then near the end of August giant gray clouds swept across the camp and thunder's powerful voice grew as did the voices of all my friends there. It was bible study at the time, but no bibles were open, only people outside, only arms embracing the drops of rain and only palms facing heavenward reaching for Abba. It was quite a sight to behold.

We were springing with joy to our Mighty God. 

Oh Spring, shower down on us.

no author for my thoughts, only an illustrator

            A well spent vacation

  

"All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip, or dance, just don't tiptoe."

Giving up a Verb

It is the time of Lent and each year I usually commit to giving up my straightener or social media or some other meaningless object or what most teenagers would say "Their Lifeline!," but for me this time around I was a little late choosing that one thing to give up and it came down to texting or television. I thought about it longer, I knew that none of that would challenge me... it would take some getting used to, but I wouldn't be learning anything about myself or things I need to work on, within myself.
I decided to give up something invisible, but something that I do far more often then texting of watching the telly. I judge others far too often. I thought for the longest time that it was alright to judge if it was kept to yourself, but it really isn't! Judging others makes you bitter, simple fact, because I know from experience that my face never smiles after I look down at someone!
And even judging someone in a positive way...it can quickly turn into jealousy and lust. So, I thought about giving up my judgment towards others and myself and it has been challenging so far. I didn't realize how much I looked at people with a mouthful to say. It is a pointless habit and deserves no attention. I feel more and more, free from a life of disappointment and anger, because I'm looking at God and wanting to be more like Him rather then the people I see around me.

Mark 2

This evening I went to a worship service at a church I am foreign too... it was incredible! Please all, read this very long collection of verse! What the pastor spoke of afterwards was beautiful.

Now after some days, when he returned to Capernaum, the news spread that he was at home. So many gathered that there was no longer any room, not even by the door, and he preached the word to them. Some people came bringing him a paralytic, carried by four of them. When they were not able to bring him in because of the crowd, they removed the roof above Jesus. Then, after tearing it out, they lowered the stretcher the paralytic was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven." Now some of the experts in the law were sitting there, turning these things over in their minds: "Why does this man speak this way? He is blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?" Now immediately, when Jesus realized in his spirit that they were contemplating such thoughts, he said to them, "Why are you thinking such things in your hearts? Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Stand up, take your stretcher, and walk'? But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins," - he said to the paralytic - "I tell you, stand up, take your stretcher, and go home." And immediately the man stood up, took his stretcher, and went out in front of them all. They were all amazed and glorified God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!"

 So, you made it through this.... There was a question being tossed around and I will repeat it now, "Who do you relate to in this story?" Some say Jesus, others say the paralytic man, or his friends lowering him down from the roof. But then he told us that his senior pastor said.... "I would be the home owner." The home owner isn't even mentioned in this story, not once. Then I thought about it more. I have never been a home owner, but one day I will be and I reckon it will be very hard and then after I am one, I would cherish my home and protect it. It would be my comfort, my sanctuary, my safety net. How would I or you feel if you invited Jesus, a great teacher into your home and then huge crowds of people gathered everywhere!! Probably knocking over things and helping themselves to the pantry, and yet you remain silent. Then, four men pull back the roof of your house, destroying it, to lower a sick man in the middle of what was probably your living room, right in front of Jesus. And still you remain silent. The home that you worked so hard for, is being invaded and destroyed and you don't say a word. Why? ...
This home owner was putting himself in discomfort so that a sick man could meet Jesus and be healed! That's pretty crazy if you ask me. He let his safety net fall so that one person could meet Jesus.
These four friends that were lowering this man to Jesus were so persistent so that this man could be healed. It's not like they tried to shout to Jesus from outside the house, or to wait outside to catch him after when he snuck out the back door, but they knew that he needed to meet Jesus right then! So they climb up on a roof, which would of been extremely hard, and they ripped a part a roof and lowered a man to Jesus. And Jesus doesn't even start off by healing the man's physical illness, but he says, "Son, your sins are forgiven." I think that these men knew that they're friend needed to meet Jesus. This man probably accepted the state he was in and was depressed and said to his friends, "I don't want you to take me any where!' But the men knew they had to, so they got him on a stretcher and probably traveled a long way through the desert, in sweat and discomfort, to presented him to Jesus and from that this broken man met this great Healer.
Sometimes when we think about a Christian's duties, we think that we have to create this perfect speech on a silver platter and  in our words intrigue others to God...but we aren't suppose to seal the deal with people and God, we are only suppose to set up the meeting! Does that make sense? We don't have to get others to buy the product, we just have to set up the conference. When we make ourselves last and show them Jesus and bring them to a meeting with God, He will do the rest! What we say doesn't matter, it could be the worse sermon or speech, and still God will use it for His work. We pull them along and bring them to Jesus, but remain silent and let God take it from there. So the challenge for us all listening and for you all reading is to choose someone that you feel deep down needs to meet Jesus and meet with God and then do whatever you need to do that is uncomfortable and without a safety net to get them to that meeting! To lower them from a roof and surrender them to the greatest Healer of Jesus.

Ruth

The biblical meaning to this name is friend. 
I knew of such a person. One who only searched for friendship and love, a girl who taught me a bit more about the meaning of friendship. This girl constantly forgot my name, but she never forgot my face, so I learned to stop reminding her. She made me frustrated bright and early in the morning when she refused to get up, but that quickly turned into a smirk when she finally rose. I rolled my eyes at night when she refused to settle for bed, but when she finally fell asleep I missed the noise. When there was a time for worship I would hold her still as she listened deeply to the sung after promises of our Father, and at dinner we would joke and break bread in community. We were an interesting bunch. We had our share of disagreements, but that turned into bigger hugs and deeper conversation. She always told me something was sore or unwell and this just made me go into denial with myself if I started to feel sick. Oh this darling girl made me smile even when I wanted to cry. Her silly angry bird stuffy always fell on my head and her comb and shampoo bottle always got left on my bunk. When I first met her she seemed to be a very quiet individual, but at the end of our time together, it was more of a lost hope. Her energy was incredible and her heart was so good.

This name is also a book in the Old Testament and within its pages there is a theme of how God's people experience his sovereignty, wisdom and covenant kindness. This young women had so much kindness and love and so did my friend. There lives of course were nothing alike, but the theme I saw in both their spirits is how I made this comparison.

And what made me appreciate my time with her so much more is that after it was over, I never got any word from her. She sort of just disappeared and life tried to overlap my memory of her. I started to forget. I preserve it more and more as I see a friend like her, in others whom I love so much and as I became a true friend to others. Abba blessed this girl with such a kindness and such a love. Two fruits of the Spirit which I treasure so much and I got to see, lived out in one of my precious sisters.

Is there such a place!

I went to church last Sunday and the sermon was amazing!! I haven't been to church in a while and it was a great one to hear and connect to. It was about Jesus and His life in Jerusalem. When His disciples came to Him and explained how He must leave because of the danger. And Jesus knew of this danger, but yet He remained there until His time was finished.

At that time, some Pharisees came up and said to Jesus, "Get away from here, because Herod wants to kill you." But he said to them, "Go and tell that fox, 'Look, I am casting out demons and performing healings today and tomorrow, and on the third day I will complete my work. Nevertheless I must go on my way today and tomorrow and the next day, because it is impossible that a prophet should be killed outside Jerusalem.' O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those who are sent to you! How often I have longed to gather your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you would have none of it! Look, your house is forsaken! And I tell you, you will not see me until you say, 'Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord!'"        {Luke 13:31-35} 

The Minister gave the congregation a short history lesson about the Jewish people and their strong connection and longing for Jerusalem.... how if you asked any of them around the world where that one place was to be closest to God, they would all say Jerusalem. And in fact if they were in that city, they would then say the temple of Jerusalem and if they were in this temple, it would be at the back where God's throne was in the Holy of Holies. They believed that God came down to earth and would stay there. But I am not going to say whether I believe that or not, but the raw history of this was so interesting and I started thinking, "is there such a place for me like that, where I go to seek God!" That was the question our Minister was getting to.
This temple had been destroyed in all the wars and so the Jewish people were in great sorrow. There was half a wall still standing from this temple, "The Wale in the Wall,"which then held a great importance to these people. They would write their prayers on parchment and slide them into this wall. They were broken and felt disconnected from God. Jesus went with the intention of showing the people that God was here to heal and create that connection again, but through His son. In this verse above, what really stuck out was what Jesus wanted to do with these people...to gather them like a hen gathers her chicks. And then He says, "Look, your house has fallen." But He has not fallen with it and those who allow Jesus will be blessed.
That is what is so amazing about Jesus! There isn't a location on this earth to go to be with God, we go through His Son. And He wants that, He wants to be that messenger, that go to guy. These verses show so much of Jesus' personality. His courage of going to a place where He knew some people would reject Him, and then staying there even after He knew there was danger for His life, all to show these people that God comes into our hearts, not an idolized temple.

Found the Cure!

School is hefty this semester and I have been taking every opportunity to relax and catch up on homework. I was starting to feel sluggish and felt there was something big missing from my life.... GOD! JESUS! I took a minute and tried to remember the last time I talked with God, the last time I picked up my bible, the last one on one jam session in worship. Here is the scary thing though...other then an evening prayer before bed, I haven't said a word to Abba, in such a long time, not even words unspoken, My bible, has a tiny layer of dust on it, granted that my room does get dusty, but still. And my i-pod has been dead in the bottom of my cottage bag for a few weeks now. I started thinking that with my busy schedule at school, which left me a little tired, I couldn't just add Him into this craziness, I know I wouldn't get anything out of that time and I would only want it to be over. I remembered something that I did at the end of every week that was so rejuvenating and wonderful. My Sabbath! On Sunday I rested, not on a sofa, or bed, but in God. It ends my week in a beautiful way and in a better state of mind and heart. After church I dance and celebrate and after lunch I pray and read, in the evening I go on adventures and walks with my Father and spend time with my family.

Trying to live without God, trying to avoid or forgetting for a while like I did made me feel sick. My life felt devoid of something very important. For those who don't know God may feel like they are always searching for something other then God. A thing to center them, when all that can be is God! I found the cure to my heart. I found Jesus and all that comes with Him, such joy and great peace. Grace and love. He sustains me and spending time with Him and letting Jesus intercede me, brings light and energy back to my life.

Joshua told the Israelites, "Come here and listen to the words of the Lord your God." 

clenched fists........

the moment when you have so much on your heart but cannot think of two words to put together to express this, never mind an entire sentence!!! It's a feeling of tongue tied, word suppressed, scatter brained, and falling apart while remaining entirely put together. I have never, ever experienced this! But I can recall the turning point when I got past my frustration and looked to God saying, "there is a time for everything and God I give You that time!" I needed a break, time to gather all my thoughts in the deepest part of me. To rest my noisy life in God and give control back to my Father. And I didn't put a time limit on this, and so now I feel able to write again...

In my time

Tonight someone asked me why I named this blog "In the Time of the Butterfly" I hadn't told this story in a long while so it was wonderful to share it again. Now I want to share it here, because, well I never had before!

When I was little, 6 or 7, I went to a Christian camp and I was in question about God's existence and purpose in my life. I asked him to show Himself to me. Not in a prayer, nothing special, just a quick word right outside my cabin. The next morning I got up and outside on a stump lied a monarch butterfly wing. Not a butterfly, but a single wing. So I picked it up and as I walk back to my cabin I talked to God a bit. At the end of that week I had accepted Jesus into my heart. That wing was tucked away in my bible for safe keeping.
Years went by and I was 13, at another camp up in Muskoka, ON. I was having a tough year and I felt cut off from God, like I had eliminated our relationship and I hated that. I became close with a leader up there and one night she told me to flip through the book of Psalms and read them as if they were my own prayers. I opened this book that I hadn't read in ages and there was that wing, still beautiful and bright orange. Next to the wing was Psalm 46:1-4...

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells". 

I felt goose bumps, and more then that, I felt God, and in everyday following. Life didn't suddenly become a fairy tale with a wonderful unrealistic perspective, but it became my story with Abba. It became a life of seeing Him. Even in hurt, I didn't shy away from talking to Him. Even in beauty, I didn't hold it higher then Jesus. And after that I saw this theme all around me. When my friends at camp prayed for me they'd say to God to make me like a butterfly and fly far above this world and chaos and just be near to Him. When I went back to school, a teacher nicknamed me papillon, which is french for butterfly. she said it reminded her of me, and the freeing spirit of this creature. My name means small bird. I've always liked that.

These precious messages and stories that form together, show me that He listens and He cares. They're my story, it's a part of who I am and in this time frame of life. In the time of a person who is now looking for her Father and a person who is sharing this with others as I feel compelled to. Trying to live in this world, but not be of this world. In the time of experiences, in the time of challenges and imperfection, I feel still as this broken butterfly wing. To one day beyond this life be with the rest of me that is beautiful and perfect. 'In the Time of the Butterfly' is my story now. Trying to work out who this God fellow is and trying to fathom all great things He shows me!

folding hands

"Is any among you afflicted? Let him pray. Is any merry? Let him sing psalms."  {James 5:13}

Prayer is for a lifetime. An eternity in conversation to the Lord. It allows us to approach God in our words. To step forward and plead our case to Him. Through our moments of prayer we are giving Him thanksgiving, adoration, cries for help, and the acceptance of Him as our grace and enduring God. It is our worship, a time to praise our Father and look to receive what He has to give unto us.
Some people don't know how to pray, what is right and wrong? If there is even a distinction? I wouldn't know. I scream at Him some days, cry to Him begging for peace, others. I also rejoice in His life in me. I dance in prayer in the presence of Him. I sound quite crazy at times, up in my room talking to myself. Talking to Him for hours on end as if He is there physically and responding in words for a human ear to behold. I hear Him in my life, my everyday. My attempts at living a peace filled, giving, perfect life always crumble so there is much need to pray. God's instruction for prayer was written in the book of Matthew.

"And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."  {6:5-6}

 It was instructions, a hint of how to connect to Him through such a personal way. And even the Son found a great satisfaction in prayer. He needed this time to reconnect and call to His Father for help and guidance. He set this example for His disciples and now for us.

"But He would withdraw to desolate places and pray."  {Luke 5:16}

 And God longs for this time when we rest in Him and ask for words to say to others or our own conversations with Him. He wants us to throw our pride aside and with folding hands, open hands, waving hands and angry fists, come to Him and lay down all that is on our hearts at His feet. He will always prevail and work everything out for the good. When we rely on the grace of God fully, He will look at our circumstances and with love sort them out.

Abide with me

"Let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, so that those who love your name may exalt in you."  {Psalm 5:11}

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;

The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide;

When other helpers fail and comforts flee,

help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;

Earth's joys grow dim, its glories pass away;

Change and decay in all around I see-

O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour;

What but Thy grace can foil the tempter's pow'r?

Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?

Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with at hand to bless;

Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness;

Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?

I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;

Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies;

Heav'n's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;

In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me. 

Henry F. Lyte

Rising fog

This weekend I went up to my cottage with my friend Breanna. The weather was yucky, the fog was thick, the slush was slushy and our laughter grew over these couple days.

My dad put the "snow tires" on our avt and I thought that meant we could drive on the snow! I learnt rather quickly that it is much harder then pressing down on the gas and steering through. We ended up walking to the lake. It was worth it, so peaceful.
The two of us giggled as we tried to maneuver through the deep snow, sliding and tripping along the way.

Mum suggested we get out the toboggans and slide down the snow hill. Key word is snow, and we had very little of it, but we coasted down and smashed into this stump waiting at the bottom.

reflections can show a deeper glance at beauty

ready to take on the world

Me and Jessie snuggling

We made art today.

You're made in the image of He who is most beautiful and great!

it rained and rained and the entire earth rejoiced

I love this girl.

A.M. bedtimes, road trips, yummy food, so many board games, ice cream? friendship building, brushing teeth, painting and crafts, funny faces, lake walking, snow banking, fog driving, slow travel, great memories!

I can't take much more of this!!!

Come Close

This is a prayer/poem written by Laura Woodley. I often lay in bed, coasting asleep to prayers like this. By accident I put this one on repeat so I fell asleep and woke up to it, but within those eight hours I remembered the italicized lines and they stuck with me this day.

I was not worthy of You
Oh, but you made me clean
You washed me, you took away my shame
You gave me, all your right standings
All your righteousness
You made me white as snow
And you invited me to come close to you,
And so I come Jesus                                                                                                          Not in my works, not in my deeds,
By your invitation, I accept You, God                                                                                    I accept you, for all that you are,
I accept your mercy Father,
I accept your grace,

Jesus,
There's no more shame
There are no more stains
All because of You,
I come before You God,
I'm grateful,
I am your servant,
I am your child,
And all because you want me God, I come.
I want You.
More then anything I want you
More then anyone I want you God.

And God forgive me for the times, that I have forgotten you,
Or wandered away.
Thank you for rescuing me
Thank you for coming
Thank you that you did not give up,
Or throw me aside
Thank you for your faithfulness and your mercy that is new every morning
Nobody else is like that God, only You.
I come to you in joy,
I run into your arms,
I smile at you God,
I know You smile at me,
Let's be together Lord.

Success Principals {exams}

In just over a week I will be handed my formal exams! Man o man, the presser is on. I am sure all of you have struggled with the studying before hand, the cramming, and the late nights. Over my three years in high school I have come up with some strategies to survive this hectic time. This is what I would suggest to the student body!

When on the computer, turn off Facebook. It is the biggest distraction EVER!
Find a comfy spot to sit and study. Not too comfortable though! You don't want to fall asleep.
Have a snack with you that only requires one hand so you can still work a pencil.
Make a study playlist, don't bother with YouTube, it wastes time searching up each song.
Put your phone on silent, is it ever really that urgent?!
Set a time limit for yourself so you have something to work towards.
Take time to stretch your body, it's a mental marathon...
Have a pee break. 

Drink 20 Arizona Iced teas to stay awake.

Dress for success: sweats, hoodies, camp bun head, Buff !
For the dog owners out there: don't leave your notes lying about.
Make sure in the week before exams, you still remember to shower.
Since you will be doing tons of reading and writing, I wouldn't use leisure time for reading and journalism.
Don't get frustrated with your mum....when she comes into your almost focused environment to ask you trivial questions, remember, she means well!
Eat spinach. It worked for Popeye.
Read stuff out load, it helps you remember info. 

And also, I usually freak out on the morning of the exam.....So for those uneasy times.

Getting up is the first step.
Eat something with a balance of sugar and carbs. Don't worry, you'll sweat it off in the examination room.
Wear your bed to school. 

Take a Tylenol ahead of time for the headache you will get half way through the test without it. 

All this and many more...it's one of those learn as you go things. Fun experiences of life.
Good luck and May the force be with you. 

taking a time out.

There's not a day that goes by, I don't think, when I haven't said to someone, "I got to go and be with Jesus for a while." And I was thinking about this quite a bit and then a friend of mine shared with me how this sort of sounds a little odd. Jesus is everywhere, He is around all day and all time, so why say you need time with Him? And I just said that I don't really have any other name to call this! I just say it so that others are aware that I am unavailable, giving a quick and good reason. I crave this one-on-one time to put every bit of focus on my Holy Dad for a few minutes, or hours. I feel called to take a time out from everything worldly and just be with Abba.
I know that God is everywhere in my life. I see this so much and so I know it is true, but I feel all those other times it is God calling to me and asking for me and for my attention. He is working in me.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." {Jeremiah 33:3}

So I take some personal time to call back to Him and invite Him in this place. To give thanks or rejoice in a victory. To ask for forgiveness or just giggle like a child. On my little rooftop, in my sanctuary, on a hiking trail or just in a church parking lot. It is recognition, I am telling God that He is important to me and He is center in my life and definitively worth these 10 minutes, or 4 hours that I am calling for Him. To join with me in worship or dancing or reading scripture. I am sitting down or running around celebrating and receiving all that He is telling me the rest of the time, when I am not timing out from everything. God has a relationship with us. And it needs time like this. To find something that works in ones life to give praise back to the Lord. Maybe entirely different from what I am describing, but something that one is knowingly doing for or with God. I like how I am able to listen for God and know when I should go and be with Him. Saying it out load to others I am talking with makes me feel like I am exampling to them something that perhaps Abba wants with them also. Something to look out for. Hey! God has a great plan and these unsearchable things could use for a good time out...

It finally snowed.....

Duffins Creek has almost frozen over. 

After the long wait for frost and chilly mornings and embracing the bitter Canadian winter, it finally came! In all it's glory, the snow and ice has arrived. I have gone hiking so much in these past few days.

I was really excited and tried to be so optimistic for the whole white Christmas thing, but better late then never!

I took my camera out of its toasty case and the lens fogged over. 

The snow was just drawn to me. 

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you...