In my time

Tonight someone asked me why I named this blog "In the Time of the Butterfly" I hadn't told this story in a long while so it was wonderful to share it again. Now I want to share it here, because, well I never had before!

When I was little, 6 or 7, I went to a Christian camp and I was in question about God's existence and purpose in my life. I asked him to show Himself to me. Not in a prayer, nothing special, just a quick word right outside my cabin. The next morning I got up and outside on a stump lied a monarch butterfly wing. Not a butterfly, but a single wing. So I picked it up and as I walk back to my cabin I talked to God a bit. At the end of that week I had accepted Jesus into my heart. That wing was tucked away in my bible for safe keeping.
Years went by and I was 13, at another camp up in Muskoka, ON. I was having a tough year and I felt cut off from God, like I had eliminated our relationship and I hated that. I became close with a leader up there and one night she told me to flip through the book of Psalms and read them as if they were my own prayers. I opened this book that I hadn't read in ages and there was that wing, still beautiful and bright orange. Next to the wing was Psalm 46:1-4...

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells". 

I felt goose bumps, and more then that, I felt God, and in everyday following. Life didn't suddenly become a fairy tale with a wonderful unrealistic perspective, but it became my story with Abba. It became a life of seeing Him. Even in hurt, I didn't shy away from talking to Him. Even in beauty, I didn't hold it higher then Jesus. And after that I saw this theme all around me. When my friends at camp prayed for me they'd say to God to make me like a butterfly and fly far above this world and chaos and just be near to Him. When I went back to school, a teacher nicknamed me papillon, which is french for butterfly. she said it reminded her of me, and the freeing spirit of this creature. My name means small bird. I've always liked that.

These precious messages and stories that form together, show me that He listens and He cares. They're my story, it's a part of who I am and in this time frame of life. In the time of a person who is now looking for her Father and a person who is sharing this with others as I feel compelled to. Trying to live in this world, but not be of this world. In the time of experiences, in the time of challenges and imperfection, I feel still as this broken butterfly wing. To one day beyond this life be with the rest of me that is beautiful and perfect. 'In the Time of the Butterfly' is my story now. Trying to work out who this God fellow is and trying to fathom all great things He shows me!