Revolution!

Okay, this is a rant! Ranting.To rant. As in I have so much passion ragging inside, I may burst if I don't write!

I am trying to wrap my mind around what I want to do with my life after high school! For the longest time I wanted to be a Vet technical, cut, dry, black and white...that would be my life. But then this summer my heart went on a journey. I experienced a new taste of life. I was introduced to a freeing dance, a beautiful song, and glorious adventure with Christ. I discovered Spirit, love, community, brokenness and feeling. I got a small glimpse of a real life with God. Growing up I was always told to never label myself, but all my life I had been labeling myself as a 'Christian' But what does this mean, who is a Christian?

'One who professes in the teachings of Jesus Christ.'

That's the definition! To profess, means to affirm openly; declare or claim. So in other words. A Christian is someone who declares the teachings of Jesus. Well, I had never done that before, so how can I call myself this?
I fashioned myself a new word.
Follower.
I am a follower of Jesus.
So what does this look like? Jesus' disciples abandoned everything to follow Him. Jesus was homeless! It says somewhere in the Word, 'foxes have holes and birds have nests, but the SON of Man has no place to lay His head.' The world  hated Him. But He overcame the world! People hated his disciples, but they hated Jesus first! These followers were beaten and arrested at times, but it says in Acts, "the prison doors flew open and everyone's chains came loose." Through Jesus they were never safe, but they were saved! If that makes any sense what so ever, keep reading.....

"I spread out my hands to you, my soul thirsts for you like a parched land."                      -Psalm 143:6 

I want more of this. I want to learn about the bible. I want to go and live an uncomfortable life, meaning that I never am comfortable with this world. I want to keep moving and changing and being formed and reformed by God. Living in discomfort will allow me to keep leaning on Jesus. I never want to be a stranger to the Lord. I want to go where no one wants to be. I want to travel and spread His love like a wild fire. I want to be a precious vessel for Jesus' messages to be stored for the world to hear. I want God to use me to speak to others. I want to be a light in the darkest places and a friend to the enemies of society. I want to hate only sin and love the sinners. I want to teach and I want to learn! I hope to go far with all this.... I am so tore up about it though!
There are so many avenues and restrictions. I have to choose what to study. I must choose a church (United, Baptist, Anglican, ect.) If I study under on ministry I can never go into another! I know in my heart that Jesus wouldn't care which roof of a church I stood under spreading the Gospel! As long as I did it with truth from the Word and in His name. I am angry when I go to church! I hate how it has become a tradition, and not a desire! I look around and see people with straight faces and ya, they're all singing along and saying the prayers out loud, but that's all they seem to be doing. No passion! We stand and sing, then sit and listen and in all that, nothing occurs in our hearts. I don't know how else to express all this!

"May my cry come before you, O Lord, give me understanding according to your Word." Psalm 119:169 

I want this to change. I want to be able to communicate the Gospel to others. I want God's people to rise up and take what they have learned and live it out. I want to see the church as a small child....dancing freely. Moving and glowing with strength through Abba, our Father. I want to develop a prayer language even further. I desire this, I WANT to plan this! I hope to one day look back and know that I have accomplished something. I am filled with a madness right now. A ridiculous joy of frustration and gladness. I am lifting my arms heavenward and absorbing the Lord's presence in this place. I want Him to guide me in the best direction. My life has been such a 'revolution'.

"a sudden, complete or unmarked change in something."

And like Emma Goldman said, "If I can't dance, then it's not my revolution." I relate to this. I feel as though I am so free. I have this hunger of endless velocity. I want every opportunity to pray for others, to speak about God, to go places and see great sites of His love for my international brothers and sisters.
Now all I must do is put an area of study to this. Sounds simple, but it is far from it! I don't know where to head. I am searching still. I have what I need in my heart and I have Jesus, so now I just need a direction......

Where do I go from here?

"O Lord, you have searched me and known me....You discern [recognize] my thoughts from far away." ---Psalm 139:1-2