Called to this...

'The more I get to know Jesus, the more trouble He seems to get me into.'

We as Christians, as followers, were not put on this earth to take the easy way out. I want to do that all the time. I see something and I don't want to say or do what God has put in my heart to do. I was thinking about my past blogs and standing strong in my faith. Reflecting on this, I was terrified to go and talk to that girl in math class, but Jesus wouldn't leave me alone. I wanted to stay in my seat slouched over my work and ignore Him.

Christians are not called to be cool. We are called to be extraordinary.

I was looked at in every negative way, because I was doing something that isn't seen a lot in my school. These people want to beat you down, to take you from God, because they do not understand this Light and how followers of Christ can love one another without a question.

 'They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me.'                                                                                                        ---Psalm 129:2 

Jesus holds our victory, He holds all the cards. We must not choose the safe route, we must follow Him.

'The God I have come to know, a God who is not safe, but a God who is good.'

 I was thinking about Jane and Finch today. I want to go back there. I know it could be dangerous, but I will go there with Jesus. The Scripture says that we must not fear the things which can destroy the body, but we are to fear that which can destroy the soul. (Matt. 10:28)

'I have come to see that we Christians are not called to safety, but we are promised that God will be with us when we are in danger, and there is no better place to be than in the hands of God.'

Shane Clayborne says, 'perhaps the most dangerous place for a Christian to be is in safety and comfort!' When I was looking at all my socks before I wrote about them, I was envisioning how this could play out. That maybe I could do something at school to raise the questions of why I was doing it, to explain and bring awareness to the seriousness of poverty. To put myself on the spot in front of my pears and stubble over every word, so that my brothers and sisters would have their voices heard by many.

'Christians should be troublemakers, creators of uncertainty, agents of a dimension in-compatible with society.'                ---French theologian, Jacques Ellul

I am also dealing with a lot of hatred being tossed around about different cultures and their beliefs...but then I thought of another thing I heard, 'but you are our brother, and we will take care of you. We take care of everyone - Christians, Muslim, Iraqi, American....It doesn't matter, we are all human beings. We are all sisters and brothers.' I have it set in my head that these are people, plain and simple. People that have just heard a different interpretation of God. Me also! Like the story of The 'Tower of Babel', everyone had the same language at one point, but then God introduced different languages. So like that, they had slightly different ways of explaining things and maybe the same God which I love and follow, is in each of the other religions out there, but just in a different form because of evolution.
And trying to explain this and how I feel is difficult because I often think of others and their reactions, but to the ones that hate the words we all speak and hate us, I remember that they hated Jesus first and He has overcome the world. (John 15:18) So remember that God gave us these tongues so that we could speak and do His great work!

'Live real good, and get beat up real bad. Dance until they kill you, and then WE'LL dance some more.'

 YOU WALK IN HIS GLORY, YOU ARE NOT OF THIS WORLD JUST LIKE HE IS NOT OF THIS WORLD. (John 17) 

'He is with you, in you, beside you, ahead of you.'

DON'T SWEAT THE small STUFF

'Why are they looking at me?' 'Did I say something stupid?' 'Why do they pick on me?' 'It's not funny.' 'Is it my fault?'
We cannot handle our worries without Him.
I was in class and I couldn't believe all the gossiping that happens. Girls and guys, my peers, my siblings through Christ, blaming and trying to bring each other down to raise themselves up. I was frustrated with them and with myself. I know that I used to do that also. I used to care so much about what others did and I'd judge them. I felt like I was doing it now, being in that classroom, I was judging them because they were judging others...that doesn't make it any better. I was in the hallways after and declared, I want more of your peace Father. Calm my heart. And right there in front of everyone who was passing by, I raised my arms and received His peace. This great comfort and confidence that He wants us to have in Him.
For us to hand over all our worries.
'I give them to you God, I give them to YOU Oh, Great Being,'
That afternoon I was reflecting on what confidence is to me. How to be confident, what the word even means. The dictionary says,

Belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.

As I was reading this I thought, "I NEVER want to be confident again. Or claim to be anyway!" But I do have confidence in the gifts God has blessed me with, I want confidence in my Lord alone! He will provide us with everything we need in this day. He is so faithful to us!
I know that He is there for me, because the Word tells me this. And sometimes I think about forgetting all this 'peace non-sense', and gossipping and hurting others. It can be fun and it is definitely easy to do. But then I think of  Matthew 26:52, which is Jesus saying to Peter, 'For all who draw a sword will die by the sword.' So what I got from that is, that even though it is easy to start hurting someone, whether it be of words or of a sword, it will lead to your downfall. Because God is a god of scandalous grace. Basically, Jesus is a King who loved evildoers so much that He died for them, teaching us that there is something worth dying for, but nothing worth killing for. Jesus dared me today, to come and follow Him, to take up my cross, to lose my life to find it, with the promises that life is more powerful then death and that it is more courageous to love our enemies then to kill them.
God is Peace and we are His Dekanawideh (peacemakers). 

'We are learning the Way of the Prince of Peace, and we are teaching this Way.'

---Shane Clayborne  

 

 

Holey or Holy Socks?

'Pray barefoot today, curling the toes and stretching heavenward. Lived with the heart of a child, each day is a whole-body celebration!'

This morning I went to my school to pray over it with our school's Christian leadership group. I'm the prayer and worship coordinator, so I was pumped!!! I arrived at 7:30 and it was very bitter out, but I was so excited to see this community and pray for such beautiful things to take place in our school. I was to close in prayer so I had to wait patiently to say everything on my heart. I remember saying, 'God I can't wait much longer!' A big smile was plastered on my face and my arms high above my head, searching for Him, reaching for Him, I was dancing with Abba more then I was listening to the many other beautiful prayers being spoken. It was such a blessed moment. I heard God answer me, saying, Be patient, I am giving you MANY words to say. I looked at the circle of people, of my brothers and sisters and I fell in love with them, with His people. Then finally it was my turn....

I couldn't stand still, Spirit had taken over and it was wonderful. I said all that he had told me and all that I had learnt and all that I wanted to see and learn and rejoice in as a community. Afterwards, everyone gathered for hot chocolate and timbits. I remember ending our prayer with 'Thank You Abba.'

'The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them away.'

This are half of my sock wardrobe

 I started thinking of all my blessings, of all the great things God had provided us with. The first thing that came to my mind was 'socks'! I looked down and saw my fluffy purple and yellow socks that were keeping my feet from freezing off. I thought about poverty, I thought about my suffering brothers and sisters. I thought about Jane and Finch and I thought about His love for ALL of my family. I wanted to love like that. I know at home I have dozens of pairs of socks, knowing that my little sister in Iraq or my older brother in Toronto doesn't. Something in me snapped and I decided that I am not going to wear any socks this winter. not one pair. I took off the socks I was wearing in that moment and was so joyful to look down at my feet afterwards. I want the rest of my family to have this luxury before I do. I don't know where this is going to take me, but I am going there with Jesus, and when we arrive, we'll be barefoot.

'Rather then accumulating stuff for oneself, followers of Jesus abandon everything, trusting in God alone for providence. The disciples start to get it, saying, 'We have left everything to follow You.'

Dear Diary

There is this guy at school, I don't see him all that much, but today I searched for him and I fell in love....

Jesus, is that guy! Today I saw Him. I fell in love with Him all over again. My great friend, my Beloved, my protector and my God.

'He will not leave us. He will not forsake us.'

A word that has stuck in my heart for the past week, has been 'HOPE'. My hope has strengthened, my love has deepened, my desire is so hungry for Him and my healing has taken lift. It has been a long winter, and this morning I realized that I don't have to 'feel' ready, I just have to be willing to pray this prayer. Christ will take care of the rest. He will change my heart. He will bring Spring and all the blooms of the Spirit.
I was in my room after school, thinking about my great encounter with my Lover. I couldn't even begin to think. I felt such love, such endless longing He has for me and all His beautiful daughters and sons and brothers and sisters and lovers and friends and followers and children. I couldn't stop giggling! Joy overflowed me, everything that went wrong in my day, everything that was filled with hatred and fear and all bad things not of Christ, just vanished. They fell beneath His feet, they never had power to begin with. And as I was thinking all of this, I decided that everyday is going to be *take our God to work day* I know that I can't do anything without Him, I can't go to school and sit there, listening to so much hurt being tossed around constantly and not have someone to lean on. Someone to help me, to carry me, to watch my footing as I walk down each long hallway. And knowing and accepting that I would not be able to go to school without Him...I feel at peace. I am placed in such joy when I ask for Him to step in and shield me. I am His bride. We are His bride.

Sincerely,
                      Your darling.

Jane and Finch

Today I went to Canada's Wonderland with my brother. We go every year for the annual reunion my camp hosts. It was so great, God blessed the conversations and was filled with gladness as we embraced one another. It was great to see this community, all these beautiful people rejoicing with each other. Jesus was so present there. My friend was a conqueror of the Leviathan and I danced with the wind as it blew through the park. it was a beautiful day. 

Soon that day had to come to a close and I was so pumped to do anything! My brother took us through this old neighbourhood to get to the 401. The houses turned into apartments, lined up along the road. The stores began to look run down and covered with graffiti. The people were many, but they moved like zombies. I looked at all these people, I saw searching eyes, thirsting for hope, hungry for love. My brother looked at the sign at the intersection and told me that this was the sketchiest place in Toronto. He told me to lock my door. I stared out my window and saw brokenness, these people, labelled as exiles, as the poor and needy. 

One person is beautiful....

Based on this intersection, there were stories and rumours, events and blaming thrown upon these people. These hurting people. There was so much hate there. Such lies placed on these children of the Lord. Given out to them, that they are nothing, that they are garbage thrown on the street and second-class citizens. I started to hear the word dust, that they were like dust, and God would make beautiful things out of this. They were a people, a people of great variety, because they were a people that would one-by-one run to their Father. I kept envisioning this. All they needed was the guidance and the support and the power that comes from community. Great strength, in placing ones burdens on a family.

'We are made in the image of a God who is community, a plurality of oneness'

---Shane Clayborne

however many is extravagant!!!!

My heart is broken for them, and I feel like it is the first step that needed to happen. I will not feel sorry for them, I will not belittle them, but my heart which is filled with Christ and His light that makes my life harder and harder, is broken. And that is good. This is breaking God's heart! I wanted to go out of my comfortable car and help this lady with her groceries. I wanted to add some colour to the school. I wanted to plant sunflowers in the churches' gardens and paint over all the graffiti on the walls of buildings. I imagined turning this place into a place of love, of safety and joy. To have these beautiful people laugh and run and search for Him. For their thirst to continue, but for it to be of God! This place has taken up such space in my heart, in my prayers. I love these people, because they are my hurting brothers and sisters, and God wouldn't want me to have overlooked them any longer. Not to drive through quickly. No! Because I am not ashamed of them...they are broken, but I am also, more even, because I know God and this makes life challenging and eye opening, but it is a brokenness that I never want to disappear. I never what to be ignorant towards any part of my family through Christ. 

A family will be messy somethings

'Following Jesus is simple, but not easy. Love until it hurts, and then love more.' 

---Mother Teresa

Jane and Finch, 'If you reach out for God, His power will reach into your life and defeat your daily battles.' Your amazing grace will come from the one of endless compassion and sustaining strength.

But then again it makes messy look good in groups.

So loved.

 

Broccoli and Cheese

'Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.'

I am usually the best person to be around in the morning, I remember being at camp over this summer and my cabin in the final session would love me, but despise my eager beaverness to wake up and especially wake them up the second the bell went off...
I took that same character trait home with me, ever since I was small I loved the morning time, making pancakes with mum and packing a fruit cup in my lunch bag.....that was so great. But even knowing that in my heart, some days I can't stand having to wake up....or the worst is being awake and not being able to fall back to sleep and then falling asleep and hearing my alarm clock beep in my ear.
Well, that day was today. I was a rock in the morning, I slide off my bed and gathered myself, looked in the mirror and wanted nothing from this day, wishing it was still night. With these feelings in my heart I had a decision to make, to either live out my day as I did my morning or to start fresh and go from this with peace and an open-mind. I wanted to walk forward in the direction God was pulling me to, but it was so hard. And my poor family, they saw that I was having a bad morning. It got so ridiculous, I was getting frustrated with how long it took for my bread to toast! Then my dogs were barking and I had such anger, I wanted to scream at them....because they were barking at a squirrel? What?! Funny to think of it now. I knew this wasn't me, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself past this state of mind.
Finally I gathered my bags and my grandpa got in the car and we headed for the school. Now, my grandpa is NOT like many 83 year old grandfathers out there! He has a unique personality and a determined heart and spirit, and that can drive you crazy sometimes. Like now!!! He was telling me one of his many stories, but one that I have heard five times already this week. I chose to plug my ears with music from my ipod and ignore him. I knew that it wasn't right to do, I just didn't want to hear him, hear anyone....By now this must sound very awful and rude. It was! BUT, then as my songs switched over I heard him ask me what vegetable I wanted with dinner. I quickly said broccoli and he said,

''Okay, so I'll go over to the store after and pick up some cheese, because I know how much you love it on your broccoli.''

My heart sunk....that sourness within me broke and I just felt so loved by him. Not because he was going to 'get' me something, but that he showed that he cared about me and wanted to do this nice extra job in his day for me. It is the unexpected and sometimes weird acts of kindness that surface in your heart a new song. I new love for that person. I slowly unplugged from my music and asked him to tell me a story, any story, and I just looked at him look at the road, him so ecstatic to share with me another story that I had already known off by heart. I realised what a blessing my grandfather is to me. I was so glad that I had that bitterness, because I found another great person to be thankful for. He isn't just there as my chauffeur, someone I knew I loved but now I appreciate now too. So now I ask you, who buys the cheese for your broccoli?

Liquid Sunshine

Yesterday was so beautiful...
After a long, tedious trek through the hallways of my school, the last thing anyone thinks about is the weather outside. My mum had told me this morning that it was suppose to rain, but I never believe the weather reports because they use technology and predictions and then tell us what its kinda sorta going to do, up in those heavy clouds, but they can't make it rain. God can change His mind and present the sun right before the first raindrop falls.
Well God wanted the rain to come as planned and it was pouring outside during fourth period. I had a huge smile sweep across my face. I heard it bouncing off the windows and dancing on the roof. It was glorious. I knew that once I left this place, this building anything that had been hurting me or effecting me that the rain would shine down on me. My heart came alive and I danced in the rain, it didn't matter who saw, it only mattered that the One did, and He was rejoicing with me in that moment. I was so glad. It came in great waves of falling water, it looked like a curtain flowing in the breeze. A very dear friend of mine, shared with me a part of a powerful verse, it read;

'no condemnation exists now for those who are in Christ Jesus.'

I felt like Abba was all around me, that even though the rain was pelting down on everyone, I felt like it was shining on me. I was standing in His evident power and He brought me salvation. Right before I got into my Mum's car I heard, this too shall pass, Spring is coming. 

Anything I had been worried about or stressed about, just left me in that moment. He will give you your armour each day, and prepare your hands for battle. He is filled with such GREAT strength and I know that I couldn't get through one day without having His arms to run to. We are all so broken, but this rain that some people take as a hassle or pain, I take as a blessing. He is our provider, He cleanses us and shields us. I will shout 'AMEN' to that, in such awe at His wonder. When the skies are painted grey and the air feels thick, the rain is God's great release to show that we need not hold onto such heaviness and that we have Him for that. The rain is my liquid sunshine. I am always walking in Light!

Taking the Plunge

'Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him and He will help you.' ---Psalm 37:5

 I was at school today and felt God compelling me to say something to this girl in my math class. I have never been good at confronting people that I don't really know, but I couldn't shake God. Say hello, tap her shoulder, prepared your lips, for I will speak through you. I remember one minute being in my seat, and the next I was moving across the classroom to her desk. I asked to sit next to her, she looked up, her eyes looked sad. I could see the tear stains on her cheek. Our eyes matched and without an answer I sat down.

word of the day...Trust

At first I asked her for help with the math problem, I knew what I was doing, actually, in my head I was correcting what she was telling me, she didn't really understand it, but I said that's the answer I got anyway. There was a long time when neither of us said anything, I looked through the worksheets and she looked blankly at her desk. Brace yourself dear one, trust in Me, for I will give you the words to say. Deep breath*
 I lifted my head from my textbook and asked her what she wanted to do after high school. She said she wanted to be involved with Ministry at her home church. She explained that it was something that she was never sure about, but that she is placing her TRUST in God. I was blown away! I wanted to hug this stranger, and that's exactly what I did. God is a safe place where we find comfort and strength, but sometimes He tells us to do something that we are terrified and uncomfortable with doing. Trust me child, I will go with you, follow My footsteps.

Like we put trust in Him, this bird placed trust with me. We find comfort in  God.

I told her that I felt God telling me to come over there, to say something, to tell her something, I didn't know what. I refused, but God was persistent and I lay my trust with Him. She started to sob, very slightly, very softly. I asked her why she was crying. Lay your hand on her hand. She said, "I was praying for a long time, for God to bring me a sign that He cared about me, that I was doing the right thing in following Him, being faithful and..." She wiped her eyes and pushed her hair from in front of her face. Tell her! 
I don't remember past this, just that I did let God come through me during that boring math lesson, He led me to another of His beautiful daughters. I am so thankful in this day that He gave me such a great opportunity, because even though I helped this child of His, I was blessed. I have been praying to bring Christ into the school. SUCCESS! It doesn't stop there, but if we all place trust in Jesus, He will speak through us and we will impact others. This is good.

Shedding the Cocoon

'This is the day the Lord has made, let us REJOICE and be glad in it.'  ---Psalm 118:24

I am starting this great expedition, another chapter. To get right down to all the splendor of Christ! It is truly wonderful to think of all the great news the Lord brings to us in a day. The blessings, He comforts us in prayer, our dreams show glimpses of His majesty, and our breath, such a provider He is. However, in order to see all of this, we must decide to get up, stretch out our arms and inhaled, bring feeling into the morning before you trek to school or work. Embrace the idea of Jesus showing you something new, teaching you of His ways and sharing this with others. I find such JOY in that fact, that God DOES show us this, He shows us beautiful things in this world. My friend was riding her bike home from school and she described taking her hands off the handlebars and just received God's love, "I want more of your love," she cried out. Then as her bike sped down, a tiny monarch was gliding beside her. It stayed with her for a while, then flew high into the sky, above the chaos of the busy streets, past the electric wires, and up, up, up it went. "Freedom, my child. You are free with me. Nothing holds you down. I have no boundaries. You are free. Come up here and see more of me." We need only to be still. I know it seems confusing after telling a story of someone riding their bike, but to be still with feeling, not actions! God doesn't want us to lay about everyday in wait mode, but to feel or have the desire to feel Him, the One who fills me with LIGHT. We can all bring this Light to our schools and to our jobs, we can allow people to see Christ through us. Without saying a verse of scripture, in times of silence and stillness we are able to take in so much of what Abba, our Father is trying to show us or tell us.
I know that I hate the feeling of not knowing what someone wants to say to me, if its in class or anywhere, my friend does this all the time...To prevent the teacher from hearing us, she whispers so softly, and you know it's about something inmportant, you can see their lips moving, but you can't quit make out the words, then you have to wait until after class, but that person has moved on and says never mind, and you feel left out. Now, Jesus on the other hand will never say 'never mind,' He will keep trying to reach you, in small ways or large ways, but He NEVER gives up. So we must never give up, never say, 'never mind,' we must be still in the cocoon and wait for the whispers of God and slowly break it's silk walls and feel the morning sun, spread our gorgeous wings and go tell the world of what God has done.
And this doesn't just happen once, but it continues, with everyday, every moment, it says in Jeremiah 33,

 'Call to me and I WILL answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

And when we find ourselves stuck in this cocoon that feels more like steal, then silk. Well, God comes through the walls and just holds you against His chest. I rest in Abba in those times. I find peace and calmness in that time spent in the cocoon. He lays next to me, waiting for the moment I decide to look up at His glorious face and be reborn out of that silk pod.