Revolution!

Okay, this is a rant! Ranting.To rant. As in I have so much passion ragging inside, I may burst if I don't write!

I am trying to wrap my mind around what I want to do with my life after high school! For the longest time I wanted to be a Vet technical, cut, dry, black and white...that would be my life. But then this summer my heart went on a journey. I experienced a new taste of life. I was introduced to a freeing dance, a beautiful song, and glorious adventure with Christ. I discovered Spirit, love, community, brokenness and feeling. I got a small glimpse of a real life with God. Growing up I was always told to never label myself, but all my life I had been labeling myself as a 'Christian' But what does this mean, who is a Christian?

'One who professes in the teachings of Jesus Christ.'

That's the definition! To profess, means to affirm openly; declare or claim. So in other words. A Christian is someone who declares the teachings of Jesus. Well, I had never done that before, so how can I call myself this?
I fashioned myself a new word.
Follower.
I am a follower of Jesus.
So what does this look like? Jesus' disciples abandoned everything to follow Him. Jesus was homeless! It says somewhere in the Word, 'foxes have holes and birds have nests, but the SON of Man has no place to lay His head.' The world  hated Him. But He overcame the world! People hated his disciples, but they hated Jesus first! These followers were beaten and arrested at times, but it says in Acts, "the prison doors flew open and everyone's chains came loose." Through Jesus they were never safe, but they were saved! If that makes any sense what so ever, keep reading.....

"I spread out my hands to you, my soul thirsts for you like a parched land."                      -Psalm 143:6 

I want more of this. I want to learn about the bible. I want to go and live an uncomfortable life, meaning that I never am comfortable with this world. I want to keep moving and changing and being formed and reformed by God. Living in discomfort will allow me to keep leaning on Jesus. I never want to be a stranger to the Lord. I want to go where no one wants to be. I want to travel and spread His love like a wild fire. I want to be a precious vessel for Jesus' messages to be stored for the world to hear. I want God to use me to speak to others. I want to be a light in the darkest places and a friend to the enemies of society. I want to hate only sin and love the sinners. I want to teach and I want to learn! I hope to go far with all this.... I am so tore up about it though!
There are so many avenues and restrictions. I have to choose what to study. I must choose a church (United, Baptist, Anglican, ect.) If I study under on ministry I can never go into another! I know in my heart that Jesus wouldn't care which roof of a church I stood under spreading the Gospel! As long as I did it with truth from the Word and in His name. I am angry when I go to church! I hate how it has become a tradition, and not a desire! I look around and see people with straight faces and ya, they're all singing along and saying the prayers out loud, but that's all they seem to be doing. No passion! We stand and sing, then sit and listen and in all that, nothing occurs in our hearts. I don't know how else to express all this!

"May my cry come before you, O Lord, give me understanding according to your Word." Psalm 119:169 

I want this to change. I want to be able to communicate the Gospel to others. I want God's people to rise up and take what they have learned and live it out. I want to see the church as a small child....dancing freely. Moving and glowing with strength through Abba, our Father. I want to develop a prayer language even further. I desire this, I WANT to plan this! I hope to one day look back and know that I have accomplished something. I am filled with a madness right now. A ridiculous joy of frustration and gladness. I am lifting my arms heavenward and absorbing the Lord's presence in this place. I want Him to guide me in the best direction. My life has been such a 'revolution'.

"a sudden, complete or unmarked change in something."

And like Emma Goldman said, "If I can't dance, then it's not my revolution." I relate to this. I feel as though I am so free. I have this hunger of endless velocity. I want every opportunity to pray for others, to speak about God, to go places and see great sites of His love for my international brothers and sisters.
Now all I must do is put an area of study to this. Sounds simple, but it is far from it! I don't know where to head. I am searching still. I have what I need in my heart and I have Jesus, so now I just need a direction......

Where do I go from here?

"O Lord, you have searched me and known me....You discern [recognize] my thoughts from far away." ---Psalm 139:1-2 

Sustain or not sustain, that is the question.

I went to a grocery store a few days ago and my mum and I stocked up on so much stuff! We got 3 cases of pop, 2 loafs of bread, and heaps and heaps of other foods.... I didn't think much about it, it was what to do when you go out to the super market. Look out for sales, stock up on everything, buy WAY more then you really need...ect. But, I started to think....why? I haven't heard any news that the earth was coming to an end and we'd all have to live off of food rations for months at a time! So why then did I find myself picking up two loafs of bread? Is it questioning that God will not provide me with what I need?
When we start to rely way too much on ourselves we may one day ask, "Who is God?" because we'd be depending on ourselves for food and other needs.

' Give me neither poverty, nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, "Who is the Lord?" '  ---proverbs 30:8-9

I feel that when I accumulate so much stuff, I, without thinking about it, am actually doubting that God will provide me with my daily bread. I am trying to remember that followers of Jesus are told to abandon everything. To trust in God alone for providence. So when I am buying way more then I need, I am forgetting to trust God. Now, money and time management come into play and I get that! I understand there is only some many times in a month that can be spent at the super market, and the price of food is peaking. I also know that these are earthly worries, they are doubts and questioning. Knowing Jesus, knowing His Father, knowing His promises, I refuse to worry whether or not I get to the store or not, for God will provide me with my daily bread.
A friend shared with me an example she had related to this. God wants to give us so much. He has a huge pantry with all good things to eat, crunchy peanutbutter especially! But He doesnt just open the doors, telling us to go in and take for ourselves! No! He wants to hand us the crunchy peanutbutter. He wants to give to us our daily bread. God wants to have this connection with His children. He wants to be a part of all aspects of our lives.
So when we allow Jesus to be the giver, when we ask Him for our providence, then we are truly trusting that He will fulfill our daily needs.
Food for thought!

 

only for a while.

I went up to Ontario Pioneer Camp to spend a weekend with my friend, Aliesha. Such a great time and a great break from the crazy world of city and school and blah stuff.

this is what happened.....

packed car.

3 hours later.

arrive in Muskoka.

get lost momentarily.

find Liesh.

bear hug!

unpack.

bible study!!!

around midnight.

talking occurred.

here ends Thursday.

morning breaks.

meet heaps of people.

my sister through Christ.

met the OE team.

beautiful people.

felt soooooo welcomed. 

friend had to work.

her job is awesome!!!

took the group on a wilderness course and rock climbing.

noon.

work ended. YAY!

hike time....

went to Narnia.

looking out from the cliff at Devine Lake

went to the Devine cliffs.

this place was GLORIOUS!

went back. 

this day was a bit of a blur! cant remember much more! 

um.....

played some great games with her team there.

these people are crazy! 

I think I love them a lot.

laughed our pants off.

had a purple freezie! 

Manny, Aliesha, Me and Jonas

yum!

bedtime doesn't really exist. 

prayed and prayed.

Friday.

wow. what even happened?

okay I'm combining fri/sat :)

Went for a mud run.

consists of running through mud! duh...

turned into rolling in the mud.

washed off in the lake.

so cold. 

bike ride back to the camp.

even colder.

steamy shower. awwww. 

lunch!

found out Liesh's boss is so great. 

I thought she was right behind me

Stole his Swedish meet ball. 

huzzah!!!!

Building a great family here...

another friend came over to the camp.

Alida!!!!

tried to make a fire.

it was raining.

cedar burns when wet. who knew.??

(I did)

smores are Delicious. 

went inside to get warm.

snuggle party!

huge game night!

more purple freezies!

learnt a German game.

it's in between 'apples to apples' and picturica.

hilarious time with these people. 

even less sleep.

Sunday came....

went to church. 

very different from my church!

I liked most parts.

I want the church to stand up as one.

saw parents.

had great convos with Liesh and the others I have gotten to know.

such passion upon these people.

went back.

ate.

hiked.

saw some deer!

packed up.

some of the people there didn't realize I was leaving!

aw...

I love them all so much!

drove home. 

here concludes a time spent at OPC.

a piece of my heart is still up there.

it has always been there.

and it will always be.

This was only for a minute in my life, but a memory for all eternity. 

Thank You!

For thanksgiving, my family and I went up to the lake. It is a rather small lake, but filled with so much to do. I love packing for the cottage, it took me 5 minutes to throw as much as I could in a very small bag and grab my book and my ipod and off we went. The start of a great adventure....I have many of those at Thannet Lake. My brother and grandpa went up ahead of the rest of us and my mum, dad and I tagged along after. It was so dark when we arrived and I love that the most, because the first morning being up there feels like Christmas. I leave my warm cozy bed and peer around the corner into the hallway and make my way to the living area to see out the glass door and view the beauty of outside. Thank you!
The trees are so old there, they stand very tall and wise. I like to think that the tips of these trees have not yet been touched by human hands, but they are grasped by God every time the wind blows. Thank you!
I feel most at home here, in this place there is such peace. Our lives up here are never peaceful, there's just so much excitement! I do feel Abba everywhere in this place though. In the trees and the smells, the animals that come and greet me and the waters of the lake. I could go on, it's quite easy to do. Thank you!

There is such freedom. Thank you!
I found myself out on the trails this weekend. I would take one of my dogs and a radio...and no socks! I would ATV through as many of these trails as I could find, and surprise the deer and scare away the wild turkeys with the rev of the engine. It was so fun and my dogs enjoyed it a lot. Thank you!
Then around sun set on the last evening there, I came to the top of a great hill and looked over the trees and the few cabins. I saw the sun settle down far past these trees. It was getting cold out, but the heat off of the ATV was keeping me warm. The sky was golden with smears of purple and clusters of orange. I looked up at this sight and felt like I had been so distracted by racing by on this vehicle that I had been missing out on the true beauty found in this land and sky and water there. I turned off the engine and huddle on the ground with my dog and watched for a while as the sun continued to fall from the sky. We kept each other warm and I kept my bare feet against her fur coat so they wouldn't fall off!
That was the best!
Thank you!
I felt Jesus there with me in that moment. A time to be still and calm. I started thinking about what Autumn is to me. I thought about Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. In my bathroom at home, the wall paper shows four different scarecrows in the four seasons with four different captions underneath each one. It is from these verses...

'There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.'

---Ecc. 3:1
This relates to every season, but the Fall stands out the most to me. I don't know why, it just does and i love that mystery. I think the closest I've ever gotten to answering this, is that I have never seem a more beautiful sight of dying! Everything around me in this season is dying, is expiring! It's time again for the frost to come and these leaves and plants fall and break down. But to me, it is the most amazing death ever. It is a time every year, that is so brief that I hold onto every memory. Watching everyday for more and more leaves to change and then fall.

I am so thankful for this season. All that takes place in this time.
I went home and de-thawed my toes for an hour, but kept thinking of that time I spent. Without a doubt it was the best Thanksgiving ever! I adore that place and the people I shared that weekend with. Thanks be to Him...our great Creator.

 

you are....

you are LOVED.

you are BEAUTIFUL.

you are PRECIOUS.

you are WORTHY.

you are PURE.

you are CLEAN.

you are STRONG.

you are WISE.

you are JOYFUL.

you are FREE.

you are SPECIAL.

you are BELOVED.

you are NEW.

you are ADORED.

you are REDEEMED.

you are CHILD.

you are FRIEND.

you are LOVER.

you are BRIDE.

you are HIS!!!!!

you are His and only His and through Him these things are TRUE. Such truth in Him...Know always that Jesus is praying for you. He is so many things to you and you are so many things to Him. 

ABBA, I BELONG TO YOU

ABBA, I BELONG TO YOU

ABBA, I BELONG TO YOU.

'He is your strength. You and Him are one. (John 15) He loves you and you are worth it.'

 you are ONE.

'I belong to my beloved and His desire is for me.'

---Song of Songs 7:10

 you are ENOUGH.