My Vow

"Open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me."  [Acts 26:18]

 May He kiss me with the kisses of His mouth! For Your love is better the wine. [Song of Solomon 1:2] 
I am never to be drunk from wine, but to be filled with Your spirit, that is my life. 

"I wait for the Lord. my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope."  [Psalm 130:3-5]

Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.  [Acts 13:38]

Because of the Lords great love we are not consumed, for His compassion never fails.
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him."
[Lamentations 3:22-24]

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  

[Romans 8:1]

"If I stumble You won't condemn my shame. I'm going to make my vow to repent and turn to You." 

I bless those who trust me. They will be like trees growing beside a stream - trees with roots that reach down to the water, and with leaves that are always green. they bear fruit every year and are never worried by lack of rain.  [Jeremiah 17:7-8]

I will thank You, Lord,

with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous 

things You have done.

I will be filled with joy because of You.

I will sing praise to Your

name, O Most High.

[Psalm 9:1-2]

And every day that I did not who You, You have known me.

You can fill me with life even now, because You are life!

Give me understanding, and I will keep Your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of Your commandments, for there I find delight.....fulfill Your promise to Your servant, so that You may be feared..... Preserve my life in Your righteousness....Your salvation according to Your promise. 

[Psalm 119:33-44]

Jesus,
because You call my name, I come.
To You, I am not too much to handle.
Dad! The spirit or revelation. The spirit of truth. You make me clean, You made me pure again. 

What are we remembering?

'We expected to die. But as a result, we learned not to rely on ourselves, but on God who can raise the dead. And He did deliver us from mortal danger. And we are confident that He will continue to deliver us.' [2 Corinthians 1:9-10]

So over the weekend I went to church.... not suppose to be a shock or anything, but this service was great I think, so I'm writing about it!
It was remembrance day! I wasn't really feeling God in that time. The morning was long and tedious and the service started slow.
So God decided to give me a wake up call!

this is the red poppy and the white 'peace' poppy which I proudly wear

We had two amazing story tellers in that room. They were a part of the church already, and I was amazed by what they shared. Joan Eldon, who is an English women, came to the front. She is a very tiny women, with a delicate body and a surprisingly heavy hand bag. She approached the stand and talked about her experience in the war, what role she had there. She was a wife to a man surviving in this battle and she was on the home front in England. Her life was filled with challenges, but she remained calm and serene. I could see in her eyes though, the stories still untold. The terrors flashing in her pupils. Joan is an elderly women and she forgot from time to time what she was talking about, but I just loved listening to her.
At this time, while she was going back to her seat, I found myself riffling through the book of Psalms.

"For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life." [56:13]

And this is what I began to write....
There must first be evil in the world, before creating good.
There must be unjust times, to be able to bring justice forth.
There cannot be a peacemaker without a war.
And in this verse,
God cannot deliver us if we do not first stumble.
If there wasn't a war, then we wouldn't ask for peace! Or peacemakers...
If the world was so well off, we would of never met Jesus!
Without sin, I don't think we would of had the chance to encounter grace.

We know we will stumble. In fact, God promises us that we will stumble.'On this earth you will have many trials and sorrow.' but then in the same breath He spoke the words... 'But take heart! because I have overcome the world.' [John 16:33]
Ya! God is deep! It amazes me that He knows what has, is and still is to come. He knows the ending. When we are left in the unknown and confusion, Abba, gives us the insight through the Word. He tells us He knows. So, knowing that God already sees what will happen to each of us, brings me comfort, because I trust Him. He is good. Without there first being evil, He was good!!! Isn't that so great?

'For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures, we might have hope.' [Romans 15:4]

The other speaker that morning, was James Van Pelt. He is from Holland. His home and land and family had been corrupted by this war. He was a young boy, trapped in a battle that had no victory, because it was a fight created through hatred not through the desire of liberation. Honestly though....that was all I really got from that! His accent was very thick and I am terrible with accents for the life of me! But the things I was able to grasp, was that it was quite traumatic and in that time, he became so dependent on God. I wanted to talk to him after, but I didn't see how that would be possible with his speech. Darn!
Another verse hit me in psalms again!

"They spread a net for my feet - I was bowed down in distress. They dug a pit in my path - but they have fallen into it themselves." [57:6]

This evil that we hear ever year on this day, through the weeks arriving and following it. Such horror and brokenness. So many things not of God! But He takes these things, this sin that we host in our hearts and to Him He uses it. These times, He teaches us and loves us and says... I'm here, I'm molding you. I will save you when the time is right, I will come....My precious daughter Joan, I will help you! My strong son, James. I have never left you!
That it what I choose to believe in every part of me.
God asks us to trust Him in this hard time. In a time of war and hurt, because He will bring out something good through you. He has a plan, I know that if He did not, then He would step in and stop the unjust.....He has that power!
God in that day, in that hour, that moment spent to remember, I remember Your love for Your children. I remember the innocent and the guilty. We all need You, we all seek Your face. A pureness,  where there is no war, no brokenness....just You.

thoughts of a roof dweller

The sky has many meanings to people. It can resemble some kind of luck, like the saying, "red sky at night, sailors delight", to others it can be  more symbolic, like in Romeo and Juliet. "star crossed lovers," which meant when shooting stars crossed, it was a bad sign. 

my roof

To me, I think the sky is the closest thing on this earth to God. It has so many patterns and forms. It is a space that is untouchable, it is air. I ponder about it's dimensions and textures that are always  forming and then changing so quickly. No picture is able to capture it's true beauty. Just like God. It is a physical view of God. No face, no explanation, just color and life. It is an emotion, an energy. It can make itself looked to be feared and it can look inviting. It holds the power of the storms and every ray of sun. The distance of this territory is infinite, just like Him. 

Jesus painting

As much as you may be able to study this realm, it can never be conquered! It is constantly changing, making new plans form for us all, below it. It is never hard to see. It is there. Above, waiting to be looked at. And even in the most gloomy days, it is still so glorious.

This is where we go to see it. To reach out. To try and fathom how the colors are layered so perfectly and each time the wind blows the trees look like they're dancing on this canvas. This roof is a place, a meeting with God. A conversation without any words. Each time I think I have unraveled one mystery of Him, the sun sets and the colors fade along with my grasp of His understanding. 

best thing to do in the morning!

lucky birds! I want to be up there too.

This is where I dwell, where my heart finds itself some moments. On a roof, a very small and rigid roof top. I talk and listen and absorb the sky. Every ray, every chilly breeze is one more taste of God. The sky reminds me of my Father.

What in this world reminds you of Abba? 

 

Within the Inner World, but Not Apart of it.

I am a bird in a cage.
A bird of colors unlike a peacock or hummingbird....these colors once danced on my back and came to life, it was love, it was the ability to come and go. Until I was placed in this cage. It is small and grey. The floors are tile and the bars are barbed wire. It is a home that I am forced to house in. It is a place where my colors are striped.
Oh please sun, sunlight and sunshine, which falls through the little window in the corner of this room, which my cage is placed in. Spread vastly and touch my wings which stretch out to meet you each morning. I hear the call of my comrades as they search for me. I am not of this place. I do not belong here in this house, within this cage of rust and grey. These people stare at me, they admire my colors. I want to be set free so that my pastels of orange, green and yellow, and the bright contrasts of blue and purple that spike my spine will be revealed to them, my true beauty, but first I must stay in here. Waiting.
Wanting so much more.
I hear whispers. Hopes and desires of a sky again. Of blue and ivory, of wind and warmth. I wonder if it has changed much out there, but more I wonder if I have. I stare at this tile and wire and the copper walls that are built around my cage. I must escape, I must fly again. I do not belong in this dwelling! I am not the peacock or hummingbird.....these colors must be set free to dance on my back once more. Wait! the door is open.....
Do I enter the unknown? For I have gotten so used to this cage! I know its corners and its dimensions, how can I leave it? The opportunity is there in front of me, but I must gather some courage and go forth beyond this grey, to create a world of uncertainty. That is where things start to get colorful again!