Fill my cup to overflow.

another summer at camp. another season of service there.
this time was different, even with the understanding that nothing can occur the same twice, this summer at camp was particularly different. this was my first summer as a full-time staff member with all its great stresses, joys and responsibilities. on top of that i was solo leading which becomes tricky when you are taking care of 6 thirteen year old girls, not to mention the other girls that are in activities that you are leading. many times i lost my campers or "misplaced them" as i put it, but we always seemed to find each other again. up in the pioneer circle i stayed and took up home there for the next two weeks after arriving at the beginning of august. in those weeks i learnt so much from Holy Spirit. about Him and about His word and about our relationship together. and about service. i felt many times Him calling me into His presence for Him to be able to work in me and through me to both campers and other staff. the craziest experiences.

i think one of the major things ive learnt was about the verse from Matthew,

"The first shall be last and the last shall be first"[20:16].

that is what i am focusing on in this post.
i always looked at that message as a direct instruction to all of God's people, telling us that if we want to serve and be filled by Holy Spirit, we need to be last ALWAYS and allow others to be first before us. so that is how i had started to work this summer, forcing myself to be last in order to serve God and others in the [best] way.

i realized about 6 days into the first session that i was not filled enough myself to then serve others and fill them up. my own cup had not been filled to overflow. during a staff bible study, the directors mother, who lead the study, brought up this verse in her teaching and the imagery she exposed us to changed how i interpreted that passage. she told us to imagine a ladder, like many things that God does, He works in seasons, and so, like a cycle, or circle or servant hood, He calls us to be last at times [at the bottom of the ladder] so that we can serve others as our cups have been filled to overflow and we can use that fullness within us to uplift others [that strength]. then she told us that God also calls us into times of being first [at the top of the ladder], to allow others who are overflowing to uplift us and for us to be filled more and sustained by others and their service. then when we are filled we return to the bottom knowing that we may have to go back to the top again. this repeats. and that can look different to everyone. from this bible study i recognized that God was calling me to serve myself, to become first so that i could be filled by others who had received God through them to speak words of truth to me. i still served at the camp, but i allowed others to help me more then i had before in the session.

God uses us to fill each other until we overflow. until Holy Spirit spills over the lips of our cups, until we are quenched.

opinion.

So recently a rainbow stripe of road (crosswalks) have been painted down a main street in Toronto (Church st.). Some say for pride or awareness of the LGBT community but I believe it is doing two things only. Producing Toronto with more tourists and making a public spectacle out of LGBT. We as a community have taken this issue, a once anti-gay society and have become more respectful, understanding, kind and have provided a safer environment, but we’ve also taken this issue, this one thing and publicized it to such an extreme that it has lost its once powerful meaning to me. Why must we parade around Toronto, calling it a pride parade, wasting tax dollars to put on such a pseud and using even more money to paint a rainbow up a street? How does that make sense? But that has become the norm now with this ONE topic.

What if we did that with all our issues in history? All the ones that have been overcome, just like this one? What would our cities look like now? For slavery, if we hung nooses from lamp posts and trees as a constant reminder of where we’ve come, or if we plastered the streets with posters professing women’s rights and we had a separate booth for women to vote in during elections as a reminder… because that is what this rainbow road is, a reminder, a permanent reminder, but why is it necessary and why is it more important than all the other issues in history? It isn’t necessary to any degree, our day to day lives are the reminders of where we have come from. Every time we see a person apart of LGBT voting or parenting an adopted child or with a marriage license, those are all reminders enough! We have come very far as a people, just like when I see my black neighbours put up their Ghana flag and no one defaces their property, or my black friends and classmates who are able to sit next to me and not get beaten or harassed or how my mum was able to vote this past election OR my two close friends who are lesbian and bi-sexual were able to attend prom together without being kicked out, separated or alienated. None of these people have to continue to perform extreme acts to show that they have rights, they just go on with their day and that is enough.

After saying all of that I am not suggesting that gaining these rights was done so easily by just going on with your day. In history, drastic things were often the only way to gain respect and power, but now being 2014, already succeeding in providing a better space for everyone we still feel it’s necessary to paint on a rainbow! It’s overkill. It’s not an action for gaining acceptance, it’s just a symbol after the fact.

Now for those who are reading this and are questioning my part in all of it, freeze for a second and let me finish. I believe we as a unit of different orientations, races, religions, cultures, social classes, etc, are all ONE and that is an important fact for anyone to remember, and as for me, a heterosexual female, white, Christian, I am a constant ally to many varieties of people who are at all opposite to me, which doesn’t mean beneath, or undervalued, just opposite… like a Homosexual, male, Nepali, Muslim. However, going back to the rainbow road, it should not have been done. The rights of the LGBT were already fulfilled so this in no way was a form of protest, to try to accomplish something, it was just an act that wasted funds, an impulse. LGBT have rights! They can get married, have pensions and benefits, can adopt and are protected by the government from any anti-gay propaganda in Canada, etc.

As an ally I used my voice to explain to people how the LGBT need to be treated as equals that was the whole point! Now, as an ally I feel like a hypocrite to the LGBT. I say over and over “equal”, being “equal”, “equality is important”, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. They have parades and flags and rainbow roads. How are all these extra things allowing the LGBT to be treated equally? I’ve asked some of my peers who are a part of the LGBT, what they think about the parades and the road. They say that they are more embarrassed NOW to say they are LGBT because they don’t want to associate their personal orientation and life choices with such unserious gimmicks. They said it is taking their “rights” too far. Being straight, if there was a parade for that, it would probably be seen as unneeded, stupid and laughable. Well… in an “equal” way, so would a gay pride parade and so would a rainbow road! If it isn’t looked at as that, are these two varieties of people really equal?!

joy makes us thankful

This week I decided to open myself up to the simple joys of living, thankfulness, and God. Here is a little post about some of those joys...

A misty morning, laughing fits with a friend, short conversations, a soft gentle snowfall, watching a movie with dad, making banana bread, silence... noise, crowds, solitude, seeing a squirrel play in a leaf pile, reading for fun, listening.

It became an easy thing to do, relating God to these little joys. I think He delights in them. He wants us to see these little things, to keep a watchful eye for all the joy around our lives. To soak it in. There are so many opportunities to say, "Gee God, I am so thankful for..." Sometimes we become coarse or distant from joy. I think it's because we blow it out of proportion and make joy some outrageous intangible emotion in everyday life. But it's a wonderfully uncomplicated  feeling. A perfectly simple expression.
And when we find joy in the little things and appreciate them all, we can fully give our gracious thanks to God.

Intrigued.

A few nights ago I was talking with a friend about a great nursing placement she did in Nepal recently. I asked her a bunch of questions and found out some pretty cool facts that I want to share with you all in this post...
In Nepal people eat 2 meals a day which mainly consist of rice and lentils. The main religion there is Hinduism and a few areas practice Buddhism. In the Hindu religion there are many festivals for their gods and that is when they sacrifice and eat their meats. Apparently a  lot of the population is quite short so my friend who is as tall as me, got asked on a few occasions why she was so tall! I thought that was funny.

One thing that I found most intriguing was a photo I saw from her travels. Here below is that photo.

I thought it was some kind of festive decoration, but it was much more then stringed fabric. On each piece is a prayer that someone had written and attached to the string line. The people there believe that when the wind blew, their prayers would be sent out to whichever god. The wind is their carrier. I thought that was absolutely beautiful.

I love learning about other religious practices because I can often more then not, take some of the basic ways they connect to a god and reflect it back on how I interact and practice my faith with my god. (I used the lowercase form "god", because mine is just that to anyone who is not a Christian, and in this post I want to be in equal respect to all religious views.)

Can you image the joy & serenity a person in Nepal would feel when the wind blew, just after hanging up their fabric prayer?! They may be working in the rice fields or stepping off a bus, hanging some laundry out on a line and a gust of wind ----- interrupts whatever had been happening before in their day and all they can think of in that moment is their fabric prayer being sent off. Most incredible.
I find I get a lot of my big ideas of ways to draw closer to my god by learning about other religions or from other people. It is so amazing some of the ways people go before their god or celebrate their god or bring things before their god. Some to this day I don't agree with, but a few are so captivating, I think to myself, "Why don't I do that with my god?" And why not?! I'm intrigued & I think my god is too.
I am glad my friend went to Nepal.

Who wears the pants?

All my life I have gone to school lectures and heard, "Be a leader of the school." "Lead your own life, don't let others lead it for you!" It gives the role of "following" such a stigma. Especially being a young woman of God, I find myself confused when I'm asked to control my path in life. The Son of God spent His life asking people to follow Him. To give up that control. Story to story, He calls upon people to follow, to leave their lives, leave their plans and go.

There's a short story in the book of Matthew; of Jesus walking up to a guy named Matthew (go figure) who was a tax collector, and called to him, "Follow me". So what does Matthew do, he leaves his booth, leaves it all and follows Jesus. Bam, another disciple of Jesus. I wish it was that simple now! But today we question too much and trust too little. Maybe not all the time, maybe only part-time, but it happens. Whether we say it out loud or think it in our deepest thoughts. Doubt happens. 

A word Jesus uttered to the people he encountered was akolouthei which means "come and follow". This word beckoned men and women to leave it all to follow. Another word for a disciple is a mathetais, meaning "learner". I don't always want to teach and lead like society wants, I want to learn and follow. This little while that has passed, I have felt Holy Spirit asking me to enter into a new relational context. 

I have entered into my final year of high school and for all my life I wanted to be this one thing, then God shook everything up and called me to something different. For me this involved a lot of adjustments and many extra-strength Tylenols. I was so tempted to take back the control on my life and lead it for myself, to go through with my old plans. It was easier and a safer plan, but then I thought about it a little more... I am not my own! I am a temple built by my Father and I am His, so surely my plans are not my own, but are His also. *Light bulb * when I follow Christ, He honors that submission. I want to be more like Matthew and I dream of a time when everyone will be like him. Be as willing, submissive to Holy Spirit, humble in following, because I think all Christian spirituality is, is letting God wear the pants in the relationship. 

Don't listen to what the world asks of you, but listen and ask for God to tell you what He wants with you! He will use you for His great works. Listen for Him calling, akolouthei, akolouthei. 
Who is wearing the pants in your relationship?

a new season afoot !

The passage that has been on my heart this summer is in the book of Ecclesiastes and in the month I was away from home, God brought it to life.

My summer was spent up north on the shores of Lake Clearwater. There I was a chalet leader for the first time. I was filled with incredible experiences, some more bizarre then others, like, getting concussed, eating about 5 apples a day (and still getting sick), playing some hardcore manhunt, teaching archery, painting myself head-to-toe red, walking up to a camper in the dark (who I thought was a staff member) and telling her my feet really stink, and other fun things. 

I also saw Jesus pushing me right out of my comfort zone and into His light. Into a better way of living and being with Him. Not lingering on each experience or pondering the next, but being willing to enter a new at the close of an old. 
Some other things that happened... being asked by one of my campers if I could pray for her as I helped her down to the nurse's station, asking a dozen people a day if they could pray for me (whether they knew me or not), seeing The Messiah in worship and rejoicing fully without wondering who may look at me, sprinting down to the dining hall to save a table for my chalet no matter how ridiculous I looked with my arms flailing, being honest with people, being so honest in situations and how I felt, putting myself last, surrendering to Abba, reaffirming each day my true identity, seeking guidance, letting Abba be seen more then myself, struggling but still finding hope, being in pain but still choosing to trust, being vulnerable for Christ to work in me while being very broken, and allowing love to consume me.

SO many amazing and life altering things and they all had their own time.
I have a deeper instinct for Spirit and where He calls me next. He called me to this camp, He also called me to a church in Huntsville when I was on my day off, He called me to go home for a day, He called me back to the camp again, and now He calls me back into school.
I've learnt that all things have their season and if we try to extend it, they just fade and wither and lose they`re beauty. Staying at camp and playing manhunt every night would be so much fun at first, but after a while it would become boring. Being in worship with that community wouldn't ever lose it`s power, but I would never have the same longing for it because I wouldn't of had a chance to miss it. 

"There`s a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."

Savor your food

"What day is it?"
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.

I am a big planner, I like knowing where I'm going next. Camp is a big one, so it creates a lot of anticipation. The minute summer commenced, I was up in my room thinking about all the unimportant stuff, clothes to take, photos to print, shoes that match and toiletries to last. I have learnt that anticipation can take away...
It speeds up time, it prevents other memories from existing.
All the time in wait for this one event can take away any reason to be glad for the present.

It has been a huge challenge for me to resist the long stage of packing and the endless moments lost, thinking about camp. I recall when I was small and sometimes now at dinner, my mom and I would be eating and I would finish much faster then her. She'd look at me and say that it was healthier to eat slowly, chew, swallow, process the tastes, textures and not be out of breath by the end of the meal. haha.
I can relate that to now, I had to slow my rollers, sit down and think about other stuff besides camp (which was like pulling teeth at first). There is great value in excitement, but only when it doesn't neglect the present. Today is sunny with some wind and clouds floating around, the trees are dusty green from the city blowing into them, my dog is laying on my lap, and my teeth hurt a bit from an orange I just ate. What is so great with today is that I will never have today again! It's all it is, right now, and each moment following until my head hits my pillow. So why think about camp now, or then or a month ago?! That time will come and no other time will be like then.
Today is my favorite day.